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I don't wanna be a playa no more
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| friends only |
[Monday @ 7:27pm October 27th] |
hey heath -
it's jess. friends only from now on.
love you.<3+
 f r i e n d s - o n l y
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[Monday @ 2:50pm October 27th] |
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im gonna make this a friends only journal so if you read this and ur not on my friends list comment me and i'll add u
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| friday. saturday. sunday. monday. and. today. |
[Tuesday @ 4:33pm October 14th] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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music |
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the distillers-hate me |
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FRIDAY: ok...so i had a plan all worked out so that jess and i could still go to the bouncing souls/tsunami bomb show. but then when i got home it turns out that my mom decided to take the tickets away from my room. so when i asked her where they were she told me she threw them away. i really wanted to kill her. errrrrrrr it made me soooooooooo mad. but i finally got over it because there is always next time. so i called jess to tell her the bad news and asked her if she still wanted to hang out, she said yea. so her and sean came and picked me up. we stopped by her house for a couple minutes and then we were on our way to the block. i really didnt take that long to get there....but parking on the otherhand....oh man...i seriously thought we were never gonna find a spot. but finnaly jessica pointed one out and then we were on our way to a fun filled night. seriously within 10 minutes of us being there guess who i happen to run into? mitch...oh man that was kinda awkward.but it turned out to be a good thing cuz he gave me a cigarette and that made me happy. it seemed that everywhere i turned i would see him. it was creepy. jessica and i made fun of some people but i feel bad. we heard some music that sounded live, so we followed our ears and there was a band playing in front of the movies. they were actually not too bad other than the fact that all you could hear was the guitar. but hey it was alright. so after a long time of deciding what we wanted to eat we went to johnny rockets..ya that was a major cheat on my diet. but it was soooooo good. after we ate jess and sean took me home and that was the end of my friday night.
SATURDAY: so then on saturday i was supposed to go to my brothers friends birthday party. i really didnt want to go and i finally talked my mom out of it. then kelli called me at like 9 in the morning and told me to get ready and that her and john were gonna pick me up. so i got in the shower and got ready as fast as i can. then her and john picked me up and we went and chilled at the mall for an hour or so. it got boring so we left and went to the park. after that we went to taco bell and got some food where i cheated on my diet once again. so then we went to kellis house cuz john had to go to work. but since john works at ralphs and they went on strike he got off early and came and picked us up and we were supposed to go pick up alan and chill but no alan decides to get in trouble and he cant go anywhere. so that really sucked and then john called his friend and decided he was going to some frat party in san diego so he dropps me and kelli off at her house. i was bored so i called my mom at like 9 to come pick me up. i then went home and my moms friend came over to show me her tattoo. she got a really pretty angel to remember her daughter. then i went to sleep.
SUNDAY: i basically layed around ALL day and did nothing. my mom and step dad got in a huge fight. he was gone ALL day and when he finally came home he was sooooo drunk he could hardly stand up. my mom got mad at him and started yelling and then he cussed at her and just told her to shut the fuck up. well then a lot more yelling and blah blah blah. i hate when they fight especially cuz my brother was right there and then he ran to me crying and wanted to know what was going on. my stepdad told my mom to pack up her stuff and find a new place to live. i know it was just the drunkness talking but i hate when he does stiff like that. i just wanted to go up to him and punch him or kick him or something like that. well that was basically my sunday night.
MONDAY: nothing really happened.
TODAY: well today was really boring up untill the end of 6th period. we were all sitting there doing our work when it was announced that we were in "lockdown" which is when we cant leave the class or anything because someone is either on the loose or something dangerous is happening. well we were locked down for a good hour after 6th period should've ended. so instead of getting out of school at 2 like i normally do i was there till 3. but it was intresting because whatever was happening was in the classroom right next door to mine. from what i heard from a reliable source(a teacher) i guess someone had a gun. he didnt use it but i guess he tossed it somewhere and hid it. so now they're looking for it. the guy who had it was some asian guy. no one i know. but thats scary that someone at my school hada gun with them today. well that was the end on my day so far.
i jsut wanna say a special hello to ambika...i miss you.
CORAL FANG IN STORES NOW!!!!!!! grrrrrr my mom wouldnt take me to best buy to go get it im sooooo mad. i need it today. if i dont get it today im gonna die!!!!!!
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[Tuesday @ 3:39pm October 7th] |
i know i said i wasnt gonna update till tomorrow but i have some time on my hands now. so here it goes...
FRIDAY: so after school i went with kristina to check in for volleyball...we got to talking with penny(our volleyball coach from last year) we got to be really close with her over this last year. shes just so great. haha. well her mom died last year...so she goes to the cemetary to visit her every so often. well she asked us if we wanted to go with her and kristina and i being the great people that we are we said sure. so we went and sat there next to where her mom was burried and just talked for TWO HOURS. then coach asked if i wanted to visit rachael and i said ya. so we went over by rachael(the little girl that passed away a couple months ago) and i could just feel the tears. but i did good and kept them in till i got home. we stayed there for about 30min. and then headed home. my grandma told me kelli called so i called her. she asked me if i wanted to go with her and hang out with john and maybe jason and steve would go too. so i was like ok thats cool. we went to some park but it ended up just being kelli, john, and i. so it wasnt that great. but we went to 7-11 and got a 6 pack. kelli had 3 and i had 3. so i wasnt drunk or anythingbut it was nice to drink a little because i havent for so long. but i kida did something bad....i've been really good about not smoking...well i guess u could say i started again. so then i spent the night at kellis house...i had to leave early though....which leads me to....
SATURDAY: it was my couins austins b-day, he turned 4!! it was also lindsays 16th birthday...which was kinda sad because i cant be there to celebrate with her and she cant get her license and it just sux...but austins bday party was pretty cool. i hung out with all my little cousins and jumped in the bouncy thing. then got home at like 9 or so. climbed into bed and passes out. i was sooooooooo tired.
SUNDAY: was supposed to be my day to hang out with jessica...but it didnt get to happen. my mom told me i couldnt go anywhere or do anything because i had already done enough for the weekend and i needed to do homework and clean my room and blah blah blah.
MONDAY: in science i ate a chile for extra credit...the hottest one there is...like a habenero or something like that. i seriously thought i was gonna die. i felt like flames were coming ut of my mouth it was soooooooooooo hot.
ok so i have tickets for the bouncing souls show on friday...i REALLY want to go with jessica. it was gonna be our bonding experiance and it would be sooooo much fun. but....my mom says i cant go...grrrrrr...soooo....im gonna try and work something out so that i tell my mom im staying at kellis...but really go to the show with jess and just go to kellis after the show so when my mom calls or whatever in the morning i will be at kellis....but i'll talk to jess and see what she thinks about that.
wow...that was kinda long...im sorry i havent been online in a long time. i miss all of you.
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[Tuesday @ 3:27pm October 7th] |
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im gonna write a nice long update about my weekend tomorrow when i have more time. so this is it for now. i love you guys.
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[Thursday @ 4:10pm October 2nd] |
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the distillers-sing sing death house |
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just stopping by to say hi...i hope everyone is doing well. i luv u guys...
im getting a C+ in accounting...i guess thats not too bad. but ehh...i could do better...and im gonna try and bring it up to at least a B before she gives us another grade update!! go me. im really focused on school this year. i havent done anything other than homework and studying in a while. no parties, no drinking, no drugs, no anything....go me!!! haha..im a good kid!! yippey.
Jess- i hope ur feeling better i luv u and miss u lots!!!
20 days till my b-day
12 days till The Distillers-Coral Fang comes out!!
8 days till bouncing souls...if i get to go
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[Monday @ 4:12pm September 29th] |
well i just wanted to say hi to everyone because i havent really written in here for a few days. my weekend was actually pretty good. i was really pissed that my mom didnt let me go out with jess but then she had a headache any way so i dunno. so i ended up going to kellis friday night and we hung out for a bit and played with her niece and nephew or however u spell it. they are sooooooooo cute. but then i had to go home cuz it was getting late. but then i ended up going back to her house at like 11 on saturday cuz i went to her cousins babyshower and then we went back to her house. and i met the most awesomest (i know thats not a word) guy. but theres a problem...hes 28...ya so i know thats not gonna work out. his name is jason and hes cute and nice and yea. so then i spent then ight at kellis and came home at like 9 in the morning to go to the fair with my family. then i got home fro mthe fair at like 6:30 and went to kellis house again. because we had to study for our history test. yep. so that was my weekend.
my mom is gonna die!!!!! so last night i was talking to her about the concert. because i have 2 tickets to bouncing souls/tsunami bomb for next friday oct. 10th. well i was supposedto go with lindsay but since shes not here i thought it would be a good idea for jess to go with me. because i know how much she loves tsunami bomb and it would be a good time for us to hang out and stuff. well the only problem is my mom hasnt met jessica. so my mom said she didnt want me going down to hollywood with some girl she doesnt even know and blah blah blah. so my mom was like theres a waste of $45(which is how much the 2 tickets cost me). i swear...im gonna just have to sneak out or something if she says i cant go. there is NO WAY im not going to that show.
ok so yea. im gonna go now.
jessica...are u doing anything friday night?
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[Wednesday @ 3:28pm September 24th] |
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music |
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wanted dead-murder murder |
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school wasnt that bad today, i kind of enjoyed it. i was in such a rush to get ready for school this morning i forgot to make m lunch and i forgot to ask my mom for money so i was afraid i was gonna be lunchless today. but kristina had extra money so we went to jamba juice YUM and then to del taco and got some GRUB chicken soft tacos from there are seriously the best food ever!!! but ya besides that school just didnt seem that bad today. maybe because it was cold today and not so hot. cold days usually seem better than the hot ones. but it sucked becasue i forgot my sweatshirt. so i thought i was gonna turn into an ice cube. haha.
well my mom is actually letting me do something this weekend. so im excited. hopefully i'll be able to see jessica and maybe even have her spend the night. but we'll see what happens. we both need a break from everything so im sure we'll hang out at least for a couple hours. we have to! we are in need of it.
last night my family went out to dinner for my little cousin joey's birthday. hes 9 and soooooo cute. just a little hyper though. hahaha. everyone was talking about how my birthday is the next one and blah blah blah. they all want me to have this big party because its my sweet 16. but i dont want any of that. i told my mom we could all go out to dinner or something but thats the most i would want to do. i have 2 tickets to disneyland that my mom won at work and i asked my mom if i could just use those and go to disneyland with a friend or something. but i dunno. its still a month away so as it gets closer i'll decide what i want. for all i know my mom is still planning my suprise birthday party. but i doubt it. because lindsay was helping her and i dont think my mom could possibly do it without lindsay. speaking of lindsay her birthday is coming up its in a little over a week. i need to go get her a card because thats all im allowed to send her. her mom said if i found some stationary i could send that too but anything else will just have to wait. my original plan was to get her the new bouncing souls cd that came out in august and when i go to the show get it signed for her. if i still get to go to the show thats what im gonna do and just save it for her till she gets home. i know she'd really like that.
talking about lindsay being gone is just making me all sad again...so lets move on....my school was on the news today. some kid almost died but we had a machine to save him. if we didnt have the machine he would've died. thats pretty scary. and i guess we just got the machine too. i dont really know all the details. but ya.
i cant find any good websties that have u.s. bombs pictures on them. because i need them on a website so i can change my background. i put brody on my background again because i was sick of the plain-ness. i was on the loup last night and people were talking about brody. they were saying she just looks like a cracked out whore. i was like...dont talk shit about brody shes hotter than you'll ever be. haha.
ok well im gonna go try and finish all my homework. if i finish soon im gonna try and go to the volleyball game. i hope you all ahd fun today. oh yeah....do any of you go on yahoo messenger??? i need some buddies to add to my list!!!
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| i miss you guys |
[Monday @ 3:50pm September 22nd] |
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music |
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tool-sober |
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Ok so I haven’t been online in what seems to be like a million years when really its only been like 3 or 4 days. But I can no longer go online at nights because I have no internet in my room or phone. My phone line got taken away for a while. Because I cant get up in the morning and I’ve been late to school and blah blah blah. So till I can prove to my mom I can wake up on my own and be ready to leave by 7 all on my own. I get no phone line in my room. But shes kind of dumb because I have a spare phone in my closet which I busted out last night to check my messages on the loup. But I still cant get online because she did something to the internet.
Well my weekend was ok I guess. Friday night/Saturday morning I cleaned my room and did all my laundry witch is a good thing to score points with my mom. I think I did a pretty good job too. Go me!! haha. Then Saturday afternoon we went to the “sand sports super show” thing at the o.c. fairgrounds and got a few new things for our quads so we can get ready for our first trip in oct. Then we went to shakeys and had pizza. Dude that is some good pizza. Haha. Then we went back to the costa mesa speedway to watch the dirtbikes do freestyle jumping. It was fun. I wouldn’t mind the costa mesa speedway being my hangout for Saturday nights. There are sooooo many hot guys there. Also there is alcohol and im sure anyone could get it because like everyone is drinking so u just gotta find someone of age to get it. Which isn’t too hard. But I have to stay away from the alcohol for a while. Then Sunday we didn’t do anything just stayed home.
Next Sunday we’re gonna go to the l.a. county fair. Im gonna try and get out of going. Just because I had one weekend of family time and I think that’s enough. I don’t need this weekend to be all family too. I really hope my mom lets me go out this weekend because I really want to hang out with Jessica. I haven’t seen her in what feels like forever. It’ll do us both some good to get out and hang out at least for a few hours.
Im a member of a couple distillers communities on here….it makes me so mad that so many people got to see them recently and I didn’t…grrrrrrrrr..and then theres the picture of brody giving the one person a kiss. Dude that could’ve been me. L I heard that the distillers are going on tour in January with QOTSA so I am FO SHO going if there are dates in my area. Because I really need to see Brody. I need a picture of the two of us. Ok well I’ll stop complaining about that.
Well I hope you all are doing well and im sorry I don’t talk to most of you anymore. As soon as I get my internet back and everything gets back to normal im sure I’ll start talking to all of you again. If you need anything email me at oigrrrl006@hotmail.com and I’ll write back to you a.s.a.p. I miss you all!!! *hugs and kisses*
oh yeah...i REALLY want to go to knotts halloween haunt this year. are any of you guys going? i havent been for like 4 years. also what are the plans for halloween? anyone doing anything special? i'll hopefully be able to drive so it'll be a good year. and i dont have school the day of halloween. and its on a friday so thats a 3 day weekend!!! score!!!
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| yahoooooooooo |
[Thursday @ 4:05pm September 18th] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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the distillers-hall of mirrors |
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ok my yahoo id is xdrainxthexbloodx so add that to ur yahoo list.
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| XfXuXcXkXyXoXuX |
[Thursday @ 3:19pm September 18th] |
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mood |
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music |
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the distillers-drain the blood |
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so today i got a email from the distillers update thing. so i just listened to 3 new songs from the new cd Coral Fang. "Drain the Blood," "Hall Of Mirrors," and "The Hunger" were the new 3 songs i listened to. wow. thats really the only word i have to say about it. brodys voice jsut sounds so different from the last 2 albums. i dont know if its a good different or a bad different. i really liked "hall of mirrors" but "the hunger" i just didnt really get into that one and "drain the blood" was alright. but i need to listen to the whole cd before i make up my mind on if i like brodys voice on this album.
tonight i have to go to kristinas house and we have to work on our project for science. we ahev to make a solor powered over. dude. so lame. it has to actually work. we have to make food with it and which ever group has the best food gets a prize. we're gonna make grilled cheese because we figure all we have to do is melt the cheese. because any type of meat would take too long to cook and it probably wouldnt cook very good.
my mom jsut called and informed me that we have plans this weekend. on saturday i guess we're going to some sand sports show or something like that. so we can get some new riding gear and all that kinda stuff. because our riding season is coming up. our first trip to glamis is like oct. 16th-19th. i think. for those who dont know...glamis is the "sand toy capital of the world" people og there to ride dirtbikes and quads and all that kinda stuff. its a lot of fun. and takes up a lot of my weekends in october-april. i jsut got a new fmf pipe and silencer for my quad so i'll be haulin ass now. most of you probably have no clue what that is. but whatever. its fun.
my mom said after the sand sports show we're gonna go to the costa mesa speedway. watch the races and then go out to dinner with my cousins. at least this will be getting me out of the house. then she said we're gonna go to the LA county fair on sunday. i hate family outtings. like going places just me and my mom is fine. but when my stepdad is involved they just suck. i really dont like him. also my little brother going anywhere sux. because he likes to make scenes. if he doesnt get what he wants he'll start crying or something. i hate it. because then everyone looks and its just lame. i just hope he grows out of it.
oh yeah...anyone who has yahoo messenger...give me ur screen name. because i can go on that when i get home from school. i dont my my screen name for it yet cuz im jsut about to go make a new one cuz my old one is gay. but as soon as i make it i will post it on here.
the more i listen to the new distilers songs...they really grow on me...i've probably listened to each of them about 5 times now. good stuff. not like the old stuff. but i'll get used to it.
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| fdkhgdslkgjlsgnm.ds... |
[Wednesday @ 3:21pm September 17th] |
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black sabbath-killing yourself to live |
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alright well right now im at my grandmas and im here all alone so i get to use the computer without people bugging me and looking to see if im doing my homework. yesterday i printed some pictures of joan jett and but them on my binder. shes really pretty. not as pretty as brody but shes up there on the list. today i actually checked out a book at the library. i got Parental Advisory-Music Censorship In America. it seems like it'll be pretty good. because yesterday i finally finished the book about punk in LA that lindsay had givven me to read. it was a pretty good book. so last night was my first night on aim in like almost 2 weeks. eek. thats a really long time. since i've been going to sleep at like 10 lately it was a change to go to sleep around 3. so my mom hasnt said much to me lately. i've been good. yesterday i took my brother on a bike ride, we went to 7-11 and got slurpees and then to the park for a little bit. i thought that would score some points with my mom. i think it did. she doesnt seem mad at me or anything its just like she has no clue what to say. it feels awkward jsut being around her because now she basically knows everything about me. a lot of personal stuff i really dont think she needed to know, at least not yet. i've worn something black everyday these past 2 weeks. i think its part of my being depressed thing. im staying away from the bright happy colors. i wonder if lindsay got my letter yet. or if her mom even sent it to her. i'll finally be 16 in 35 days. kinda scary. i think my mom is still gonna let me get my license because this morning she was saying how great its gonna be when i can drive myself to school. so ya, i think that means i still get my license. she hasnt taken away my off campus pass for lunch either. so today i went to jack in the box with kristina and ashley. when we got back to school there was a firetruck and cops and a bunch of people. i guess a guy was like hanging on a car and the car pulled away fast so the guy fell off the car and got knocked out or something. i hope hes ok, just because that would really suck if he wasnt. im really emotional these days. i cry so easily. is that normal? before i would never cry. but now its all i do. i cry everyday. i cry myself to sleep at night. i wake up in the middle of the night and cry. i have nightmares. lots of them. why is all this happening? hmmmm. today im gonna tell my mom im ready to go to counseling now. but i dont know how to say it. just because im afraid shes gonna ask me to talk to her about stuff and i jsut cant. ok this is a long bunch of nothing. it probably doesnt even make sense. oh well. i really could care less. dont read it if you dont like the way i write.
oh yeah...i want to change the looks of my journal again...any ideas?
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| to all that care: |
[Monday @ 3:10pm September 15th] |
well if you've noticed i havent been on lately. part of that is becasue at my grandmas house, which is where i am after school i dont have aim anymore it got deleted and i cant download it again because my grandma knows im not allowed to be on it. aim express is so retarded i dont even bother with it. so i wont be online anymore till at least 10p.m. and lately i've been too tired to even go on at night. i can only update this on the days that i have homework that i have to use the computer for. because the only time i get the computer is when i have homework. this weekend i got in some serious trouble. like worse than the last time i got in trouble. if any of you remember that, last november when i got in trouble for the smoking weed and drinking thing. well this time...oh wow. im like really in trouble. while i was at my cousins house on saturday my mom went thru my room just looking basically for anything and everything bad i might have. well she found it, all of it. she even broke the lock off of a box that i had stuff locked in. she found my cigarettes, weed, homemade pipe, lighters, matches, and all the notes anyone has ever written me. i was already in trouble for the wanting to do heroin thing, now its like 100000 times worse. my mom jsut looks at me and starts to cry, she just doesnt know what to say. like the only thing she says is i dont want you to turn out like your dad. she says stuff like i need to be a good role model for my brother, and i know i need to. but i like to have a little fun sometimes. shit. so she knows i was going out drinking, im not a virgin, i smoke (weed and cigarettes), i've done coke, i kissed a girl (she now thinks im a lesbian), and just a bunch of other shit that she just does not need to know. grrrrr. today im supposed to start my counseling. but i really dont wanna go and my mom knows she cant make me so we'll see what happens later. my mom took my bouncing souls tickets away from me and said she doesnt want me going to any more shows. so fuck that. i'll get them back. i have to go, theres no stopping me on that one. i know shes doing all this because she "loves me" but grrrrrrrrr is all i have to say. it just really sucks. but i have one thing to look forward to. i wrote lindsay a letter so now i get to sit and wait for her to write me back. i miss her soooo much. this school year totally sucks without her.
special shoutout:
jessica- dude i miss you sooooooo much. i really need you to talk to about all this. because ur the one that always listens and helps me. so im gonna try my hardest to call you. that is if my mom is in a good mood and will let me use the phone.
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| all i can do is cry.... |
[Thursday @ 3:19pm September 11th] |
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the cure-boys dont cry |
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So yesterday when I got to my grandmas my mom and grandma were outside just crying. My mom wouldn’t tell me what was wrong but I knew something had to be wrong. She said when it was time for me to find out I would. Well when I got home my mom and I started talking. She was asking me what I was going to do for my birthday. I said nothing. She then said you sure you weren’t planning on taking anything. I was like NO mom. But by the look in her eye I knew she knew about my heroin thing. So I confessed. Right when I did that I hear a knock on the door. It was Lindsay’s mom. So she came in and her, my mom, and I all sat down and started to talk. Karen (Lindsay’s mom) first said, yes it is true Lindsay is gone. She told me about the place in Montana and said it was really nice and everything. Then she handed me a letter that Lindsay had sent home for me and told me to read it. I started to read it and all I could do was cry. Even though Lindsay is thousands of miles away she really cares about me. Her whole letter was telling me not to do heroin for my birthday and that she loved me so much. Karen was at our house for about an hour. She read me letters that Lindsay had written to her. In one letter Lindsay told her mom that I was planning on doing heroin and told her mom to make sure I got the letter. I don’t want to get really in detail about everything that’s going on with Lindsay because its all personal and when she gets home she can explain everything or if you want you can ask me some questions and maybe I can answer them. Her mom told me that she could be there for as little as 3 months. But probably will be there for about 12-14 months. Any letters I write to her my mom has to read and so does her mom. So it’s kind of hard to talk about anything when you know parents are going to read them. Last night my mom told her that her and Lindsay were planning a surprise birthday party for me. There was going to be a band playing and everything. My mom said if I wanted she would still plan it and I could invite who ever I wanted. But it just wont be the same without Lindsay and I don’t really want a party anyway. Karen and my mom both though it would be a good idea if I got into some counseling. So starting next week I have to go see a counselor. We’ll see how that goes. Also my mom said she wants to drug test me again on a regular basis just to make sure I stay on track. So whatever. I cried myself to sleep last night. It’s all I can do. My mom thinks I am going to attempt suicide again. Like before it didn’t really hit me that Lindsay was gone for sure. Because I hadn’t talked to her mom. But now its different. I know she’s gone for a fact. So when I think about it all I can do is cry. I wrote her a letter today and I am gonna drop it off at her house tonight so then her mom can mail it and she’ll hopefully get it by the weekend. Ok well that’s all for now. Adios amigos.
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| the first day back to school. |
[Monday @ 3:22pm September 8th] |
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ok so i was kind of looking forward to school starting just because i thought it would be fun to see everyone again and all that stuff. well....i was wrong. it sucked. like hXc sucked. they wouldnt give me my off campus pass for all year even though my mom wrote a note. but i did manage to be able to get off for lunch today. tomorrow morning my mom has to go in with me and fill out a paper in person for me to get my year off campus pass. i swear the school is retarded. ok then all my classes were alright i guess. but tomorrow i will have different classes. because mr. randles kicked kristina and i out of his 6th period so we got moved into 2nd period. which basically changed a coouple of my classes. i now have randles 2nd. history 4th with morris and english 6th with hoague. so if that makes me have classes with any of you tc people let me know. oh and the worst thing i had to fucking walk home in the 100 degree heat. fuck that. because i thought i was gonna be able to ride with the volleyball people and go to practice with them and then get a ride home with kristina. but it looks like that doesnt get to happen. grrrrrrr. so i think this might mean a month of walking home. then i'll finally be able to drive. woo-fucking-hoo!!! ok im done now. i'll probably write more later. hope you all had a nice day.
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[Sunday @ 10:12pm September 7th] |
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ok so lately i've been busy and havent been home much. or when i am home im sleeping. its good that i've been busy because being busy takes my mind off everything. ok so friday i hung out with my moms friend lisa ALL day. i kind of got sick of her. when my mom got home we all went shopping. we jsut went to this one store that has cheap dickies. so i finally got a pair of brown dickies i was sooo happy!!! and i got a dark grey pair and another blue pair. and another pair of black dickies shorts. lisa was at my house from like noon till 11p.m. it was alright i guess but i cant be with her for that many hours all at once. sheesh. so then saturday i went to the mall with my mom and lisa. my mom wanted a few things and i kind of wanted to get a couple more new shirts. since my mom hates almost every shirt i own i told her she could pick out one shirt and i would get it just for her and would wear it all the time. so she picked out a pink finch shirt. i didnt that that was too bad. its like my fav. band but its pick. ehhh...oh well its cute. then i got a tool shirt, tinkerbell shirt, a distillers wifebeater and mickey mouse shirt. then...out of nowhere we were walkign around the mall. and my mom was like lets go get our ears pierced. i was like umm ok sure. so my mom, lisa, and i all got our ear pierced up on the top. the lady was so suprised that i didnt even flinch when she pierced it. i got a barbell in it so now i can change the balls and make it all pretty. oh and i almost forgot my fucking amazing cool new shoes!!!! i got some vans. they're the "old skool" ones. black and yellow checkered. with a red strpie thing. oh man they are sooo fucking HOT!! WHITE HOT!! i could just like have sex with them!!! i havent talked to alan since friday afternoon. it makes me sad. i think im gonna call him as soon as im done writing in here. it was so cute on friday when he called he was like i wanna play a song for you. so he starts playing. but i couldnt figure out what the song was. when he was done he was like i learned that specially for you. you have to know what song it is. so it turns out it was what it is to burn by finch. i was like awwww. cuz he knows i love finch. im sooooooo mad i didnt get to go see the distillers on saturday. grrrr. but i did have dreams about brody and that i was there. so that was cool. but grrrrr. i need to see the distillers!!! the new cd comes out oct. 14th. thats like a month away. grrr. i feel so bad that i havent talked to jess since friday morning. it just seems like i've been with my mom and her friend all weekend. the only times i was home i would nap or it would be time for bed. so tomorrow marks the start of school. i officially got a job at best buy. but i cant start till after my birthday. so the end of oct. i'll finally start having money all the time. which will mean a LOT more shows and all that good shit. so tomorrow is school and i still dont know what im gonna wear. ehh.....oh well....bye bye for now
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[Thursday @ 11:00pm September 4th] |
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antiflag- angry, young, and poor |
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today was the day of the funeral. hard times. i tried my hardest not to cry just because i wanted to be strong but i totally lost it. i just want to say that rachael will be missed and will always hold a special place in my heart. my moms friend lisa flew down from washington to come to the funeral and shes gonnab e here a few days. shes great. like if i was older she would probably be my best friend. the last time she was here i went to the movies with her. shes pretty cool. i almost feel like i hang out with my moms friends more than she does sometimes. tomorrow im spending the whole day with lisa. my mom is leaving me the car and she said that i could drive me and lisa where ever we wanted to go. so i thought that was pretty cool that my mom is trusting me with her car and without her being there to see me drive it. im excited. i just hope i dont screw this up. this is my chance to prove to my mom i am responsible. so im really glad she trusts me. her and i have gotten pretty close over these past few weeks. im really glad. because its nice to be able to go to my mom and tell her about my problems.
i really hope jessica can come spend the night tomorrow. i miss her already and i just saw her like 5 days ago. she was saying we should get a job at the same place and then we would be able to see each other more than just on the weekends. seems how school is starting up again. so i thought that was a pretty good idea. only problem is theres not many stores between the 2 of us. so one of us would be stuck driving out of the way. but we'll see what happens.
i dont like the new layout for livejournal. its kinda lame. its really lmae on this computer because its so old and its an imac it doesnt always read the websites and make them show up the way they are supposed to. so its like all confusing and retarded.
so i've been thinking of what i could do for my birthday. seems how its my sweet 16 i guess i should do something rather than just sit at home.
lindsay has been gone for 2 weeks now. im kind of hoping that it was all rumors that i heard about her getting sent away and that when i go to school on monday she'll be there. but if shes not...its gonna be really hard for me to get through the year without her.
i havent talked to alan all day :( i miss him. i think we might become bf and gf. but we'll see what happens. for right now im ok with being his pretend gf. well im sure as soon as i sign offline he'll call me. because he useually calls around 11-11:30. or basically he calls till my phone is no longer busy. haha. its cute.
alright well im off like a dirty shirt. adios.
awwwwwwww looks like i'll be online a little longer now. alan just signed on. it was cute. he was like hey my sexy pretend girlfriend. haha. well im happy now. woo hoo.
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| i have a pretend boyfriend |
[Thursday @ 1:04am September 4th] |
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the exies-my goddess |
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today was alright. i was talking to stefanie online and saying how i had just smoked the last cigarette i had and i needed a pack. shes like if i had my car i would help you out. then later she IMed me and was like u still need those cigarettes and i was like yea. by that time she had her car so she came and picked me up. we went to the smoke shop bought some cigarettes. smoked. then we went to jamba juice. good times. i love jamba juice. but today i think i drank it too fast cuz it made me kinda sick.
im getting really excited about seeing bouncing souls again and tsunami bomb for the first time. i just wish i could see the distillers on saturday. if i try hard enough i could probably find someone with an extra ticket who would be willing to take me. either someone from lj or someone from the loup. or i could probably buy a ticket on ebay. cuz form what i've heard its sold out now. but it is at the glasshouse. when i saw finch there they didnt check too closely for ur wristband to get in. so if i tried, i bet i could sneak in.
i think on saturday jess, sean, and i should go to the beach and have our own bonfire. since we werent invited to someones. haha. hopefully if jess isnt busy like friday or saturday she can spend the night. cuz afterthat school is gonna start and the weekends will be my only time to see her and i dont even know how often that will be. i know im gonna have a lot of homework this year.
tonight was soooooo cute. alan asked me to be his pretend girlfriend. so as of right now alan is my pretend boyfriend. he was like what if i aksed you to be my real girlfriend. i was just like i dunno. so he was like well thats cool. i kinda like him. actually i think i really like him. hopefully i get to see him soon.
so i have less than a week till school starts. i really want to go to a party before school starts. or at least go out and drink or something. it sux that lindsay is gone cuz i remember we were planning one before school started. cuz her mom was going out of town for like 4 days. lindsay was gonna have to stay at her aunts house or something. but we were gonna find a way to get her down here for at least a day.
48 days and i can finally drive. that will make my life so much easier. then i dont have to worry about my mom saying i cant go somewhere because i dont have a ride. it will mean a lot more shows. im excited. i think im gonna start my job in november. then i'll have a lot more money. i think money should grow on trees. then i wouldnt have to work. i wonder how well i'll be able to balance going to school and working.
so i have to wake up early tomorrow cuz its rachael(yes thats how u spell her name)'s funeral. it starts at 10 and then we go to the barial site and then to someones house for food and stuff like that. so who knows what time i'll be home tomorrow. so tomorrow is going to be one of my emo days.
im so glad jenny and i have a class together this year. its gonna be grrrreat. hopefully it will help us grow closer because shes one of those people that i could really see being my friend for the rest of my life. we've had some good times. hopefully theres a lot more of those to come in the future. and i need to go to her house and see timmy again. i havent seen him FOREVER. timmy was one of the reasons i stayed a vegetarian. haha. im a loser. too bad i never saw him when he had a hawk that woulda been funny.
so this entry is just me going on about basically nothing. just like all my other entries. sorry im so boring. adios.
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[Wednesday @ 12:33pm September 3rd] |
Congratulations!! You're a shot of some good old
hard liquor!
What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla˙
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| mary had a little lamb... |
[Monday @ 11:58pm September 1st] |
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ok so today was fun. i went to the mall with frances and andrew. i bought another finch shirt and i got a brand new shirt. it was buy one get one 50% off. so it cost me like $27.00 or something like that. i guess thats not that bad. so this saturday the distillers are playing at the glasshouse. i really wanted to go. but there is a lack of a ride/someone to go with/money. so it will be another show i miss out on. its been almost 2 weeks since i've talked to lindsay. i drove by her house today and i was gonna stop by but her moms car was gone so i didnt. i think tomorrow im gonna stay home most of the day and clean my room. my room is a mess. i still have my bag packed from when i went to the beach 2 weeks ago. haha. and then i have just crap everywhere. so yea im gonna clean. i hope before school starts jessica gets to come over and spend the night. cuz i know once school starts that means homework and i really need to do my homework this year. im finally gonna grow my hair out. im just so sick of it. oh yeah last night ambika taught me how to play mary had a little lamb on guitar. haha. dude. i swear that is the easiest fucking song in the whole world. i played it for my mom this morning. she was like awwww how cute. i wanna play twinkle twinkle little star. cuz alan plays that for me all the time. but i cant find tabs for it anywhere. i think im gonna sell my guitar. cuz it just doesnt get much use anymore. i want a new screen name for AIM anyone have any ideas? leave me a comment if ya do. i've had iplayguitar666 for a while now and its just getting old. i wish i could hurry up and turn 18. i really want a tattoo. man im really tired. i think im gonna hit the sack. adios.
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